Hello dear readers! I’m really sorry about not updating the blog for such a long period ; ;
But I really wanted to, trust me!
Anyways today after months of silence about the issue I have something really important to get off my chest which needs to be said and shared someway with you. So here I am finally ready to say something that's been really tough for me which happened 7 months ago.
Why now? I've always wanted to avoid doing it, though it's seems better to let it out because it seems at some point people tend to misunderstand things a bit. I thought there would have been no need to say anything, people take their own decisions. Things happen it's as simple as that.
Most of all, I didn’t say anything because I think there should be a general common sense, a kind of adult behavior, honesty, and a sort of not written deal when two people stop to be friends and continue to live their life by their own. Therefore, call it whatever you want, kindness, discretion, common sense, I don’t care, but I was convinced that there's was no need to say anything publicly about the matter. But it's better for me to talk a bit more about this now~
This would be something regarding me and my ex friend only, however, things are a bit different because there was a project between us, and now everything can be confusing for someone. And no, I really don't want misunderstandings to happen.
Plus, it seems that curious people or just people in general, would get the opposite of the actual story, or worse, they would spread false informations about it without knowing anything. So..
What’s happened to the Cute Can Kill project in January?
It would be better saying what’s happened between me and my ex best friend, to completely clear things out.
We had a fight where we were discussing about caring or not caring about CCK, I felt she didn't want to be part of CCK anymore. And I was right, obviously. In fact, she didn’t want to be part of the project anymore, and that maybe she probably didn’t like me anymore as well, but who cares at this point. Personal reasons are still personal and I don't feel to talk about this here.
Anyway I only wanted to clarify things with her and “understand” what was going on in her head, since she didn’t talk with me about any kind of problem regarding this, possibly even for years too she felt this. I then realized that day that she had some difficulties to talk with me about problems. Right after that fight, she decided to break our friendship. So she did it, the day after she left CCK without saying a word. Simple as that!
Now I don’t want to say anything more because while we didn’t talk properly after that, (we kind of did it but not deeply) I don’t feel it’s really necessary to add details or to write furthermore about this. It’s still a personal matter after all and we are all fully grown up girls, at least, I hope so.
Well, I’ve been really really bad during the past months. At first I was 100% convinced to quit Cute Can Kill and fuck everything we made with all that effort during those 3 1/2 years. I really hated CCK and all that was connected with it…
I wanted to erase every CCK trace in the world... I spent most of my days raging and crying about everything.
I couldn’t accept to feel alone in something I always considered to be part of the two of us, and not mine only. I felt it wasn’t a project anymore but something without any value. Until the point where some friends helped me a lot, they were the sweetest in the end to be able to help me become lucid and clear again, and think about my dream again. They gave me new positive energy, they helped me to find my passion for art and be creative again. And they really did it, in the end I raised up from the sadness, I stopped feeling alone into something I “always” imagined to exist between the two of us.
I really love them, they’ve been so precious and I want to thank them once more.
At some point I thought about myself and only myself (which I haven't done in years), I starting to see things a bit differently and I started to heal from the sadness.
I was kind of reborn as a different person, more mature and positive. I didn't do this in the past, I always felt insecure about my skills or something.. so maybe even the negative things can help you in someway.
I slowly tried to keep going on and look forward to my real objectives, which was(and still is) really not easy to start with, especially being alone all of a sudden.
After a short period of time, my ex friend started a new project with a lot of enthusiasm, it seems.
That obviously made me instantly realize that she really didn’t want to be part of CCK since i can't even imagine how long. But that’s that, and I am 100% okay with it, of course. I realized she was really more happy to be alone in something and have her own project rather than not.
Now people can obviously misunderstand things and I feel I need to clarify our roles with CCK, since we never did that in the past which is funny but usually people considered us like one-person, even some of our friends!
So, now i'll say something more about our past years and work together:
At first we only made polymer clay jewelry, at the very beginning we were three girls, there was another girl with us who made cute bows and hair accessories for a while, then she sadly decided to leave. It was in the end of 2008 if I remember correctly. We generally made kawaii characters like ice creams, donut bears, onigiri, bunnies, sweets. Then we completely headed off specializing in sweets decoden stuff and kawaii.
I was used to make sweets, decoden boxes, and deco-whipped cream jewelry only, for a long period, while my friend made all kawaii characters jewelry and other sweets like cake slices, cookies, and ice lollies. Then I got really sick of using silicon for decorating (literally, I developed a bad allergy ;;) and I helped her in order to make all the sweets and deco stuff because of that. In the meanwhile, we discovered the Spank! style, fairy kei and all those cute styles I adore even now. Because of that I started to make unicorns and other kind of dreamy characters and so on, ice creams, planets and such, while she did all the sweets jewelry now and kawaii characters as well.
We often changed our styles of crafting during the years, until the point I started to use resin(I still use polymer clay though, in order to create resin jewelry) and I quit using polymer clay for everything except for something like prizes, custom design contests, or the design collaborations.
I was used to draw the illustrations and then she vectorized them or added some graphic details(or we both did it) like the past templates for the website. She made the html of the website, then two of our friends helped us build the shopping cart system.
It was fun to work together, especially because everything was exciting since it was our first time making something like that.
Now we are both living our life on a different path and I don’t think I need to say more about this whole thing.
Sometimes I still think it’s hard to go on alone, like maybe I need an assistant, or maybe someone who could help me. But so far i've managed to make it and I really hope to be able to go on like this with even more energy.
I’m sorry about this “not so usually cute” post but I cared about talking a bit more carefully about it.
Thank you for reading this long post~